I Remember You This Way
by Cruxifixus
Summary: Told in Legolas' POV as he fights strong emotions not to reveal his adoration to the only soul he has ever loved. The only person he cannot tell is the one for which he longs.


Disclaimer: I don't own any of the character portrayed below; all chew marks will be removed before being returned! Also, all following lyrics belong to Areosmith.

I could lie awake 

_Just to hear you breathing_

_Watch you smile while you are sleeping_

_While you're far away and dreaming_

_I could spend my life in this sweet surrender_

I could stay lost in this moment forever 

_Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure._

The ride was long and rough this mourn; we were relentlessly lashed by wind and driving rain delivered from Arda. The troops of the Gondorian Army are to accompany the King to Rivendell to receive his bride, the good lady Arwen. For days Estel has been able to speak of little else; a boyish charm hangs around his features; creasing smiles to his lips. Sometimes I find myself in doubt that I will achieve the degree of certainty and love for another that my dear Estel and invested in Arwen.

Estel has informed me that the Queen is with child, a phenomenon for which my heart sings and yet mourns in the same instance. He is slipping away from me; his light that was once so entwined with mine now belongs to another. Each time I see a beam bless his face; I am reminded of the words of Estel's mother Gilraen uttered with her dying breath;

'I gave Hope to the Dúnedain, I have kept no hope for myself' 

Aragorn knows that he will one day succumb to the slow decay of his destiny that will in turn leave his wife and child at his graveside. By embracing the fate Estel received as birth rite, he freed all those controlled by the shadow of darkness. He has brought hope and serenity to all peoples and many now are safe in the knowledge that a hand that speaks truth and loyalty governs their lives. 

The bonding of Estel and Arwen has brought great joy and hope to the peoples of middle earth, now reigning over a reunited kingdom. Ever since that fateful day that Lady Arwen chose to forsook her Elven immortality; she has grown in force and influence. Her ability to sway the decision of men has won her place in every heart. 

The night crept on quickly; stifling the brightness lightning the sky. Soldiers constructed our camp with haste whilst the King took counsel with his senior advisors. The forests of these regions remind me forcibly of the Greenwood of my home. For many a year I have wondered the lands of Arda in search of a meaning to my longing. It was only when I believed all my avenues severed that I found the answer lay before me in the companion I had kept all the while. 

Seeking refuge amongst the foliage of the tallest trees surrounding the makeshift camp, I attempted to gather my thoughts. Once the royal party reached Imladris; I would return home to my father and the duties of prince and heir to a vast kingdom. Within my mind, I could hear the lonely death knell of my secret affair, surreptitious ponderings never once revealed to another.

The breeze grew stronger; cold winds blowing from the north bend tops of weaker silver birches below in the shadows. Darkness had engulfed the camp, punctuating the flickering light emanating from a large fire located in the centre of the site.

I knew I would not be missed as I found it in my nature to seek solace amongst the trees to rest. Knowing that Estel would require my counsel I removed myself from my consigned place of reverie to make myself available to attend the Kings presence.

The camp was empty; my beloved Estel was nowhere to be seen. The moon had ridden high overhead casting faces of the guard's party into sharp relief. I made my way swiftly towards the captain enquiring as to the whereabouts of the King.  

This was my last stand; Estel must know my feelings and yet I was a feared to utter such words in his presence. My heart pounded through my body; my touch shook and breath caught. 

Silence engulfed me yet all I could hear was the savage beating of my own heart. Could he possibly love me; the friend that stood by since before Middle Earth was reunited with freedom? One smile lights my life and every tear rips apart my soul. I must repeat these words to him; to Estel; to the only being I have ever loved.

Dampness hung in the air; canvases of the tents were not dried properly before we disembarked this morning. Estel was over eager to reach his bride; I wish I could report that his enthusiasm was infectious.

Stillness was unmistakable; the King had clearly retired to his bed. Oh by Valar, grant me the strength I demand in my hour of need. For many a year gone past I have longed to say these words and I pray they will not fail me now. 

****

_Lying close to you feeling your heart beating_

_And I'm wondering what you're dreaming_

_Wondering if its me you're seeing_

_And I kiss you're eyes_

_And thank god we're together_

_I just want to stay with you in this moment forever_

_And ever and ever_

****

****

He's there, laying motionless in the dark. The only noise I can defect is the soft rush of gentle breathing. Ai Valar; is this the fates informing me I am wrong? I slowly made my into the tent; blessing the silence of my footsteps. Never before have these feelings raced through my blood, emotions catching at my throat. 

Estel cast a spell upon my heart the day we met, I have never once looked upon another since that day. The spaces between our bodies in infinitesimal yet I am unable to move away.  It is now or never.

Approaching his body is something I have dreamed of for on nearing five years now and the moment of truth is ready to pass me by. A low moan disturbs his sleep; I know that if I were not holding my breath the words would tumble from my lips. Slowly I lowered myself to lie next to his body, taking strength I knew I did not posses to stop wandering fingers entwining into precious locks of hair. A deep scent of musk filled my senses; a fragrance of Estel I have come to treasure and adore.  

A smile on his lips pulls at my heart, as I know it was never intended for myself. I feel somewhat an impostor; your heart belongs to another. The mild drum of content reverbs onto my fingers; beating out the rhythm that fuels my passion. 

Closing my eyes I imagine you in my arms beloved; our bodies writhing at a tempo we equal and ride together on a wave of carnal ecstasy. Reaching up, I brush a lock of hair tenderly from your eyes; a task I have longed to perform. Any connection, any togetherness. 

Dawn grows close; the blackened night passes silently and gives way to a sparkling sun. Within the distance can be heard the gentle twill of summer birdsong; tiny creatures bidding a good mourn to another day.

Raising my hand I find warm tears have washed down my face, tears of both longing and regret. I must leave this place or be discovered for the fraud I feel I have become. Estel did not awaken during the night fore I slept not, willing his reverie to continue as I forsake the path to Elven dreams. 

Turning slowly, I place a chaste kiss atop his brow; a feared the slightest touch would arouse Estel from his dreams. 

There are signs of life around the camp as I move from the Kings bed. For once in my life I feel the pain of resentment towards another, I now I have missed my chance.

Am I damned to walk this land alone until the world is changed and all my years are eternally spent? My love will remain unrequited even though I feel it splitting my heart in two. 

I watch the mellow sun rise higher as the tears dry from my eyes. A rustle of canvas causes me to turn, Estel. One glance and I know my heart is broken.

****

****


End file.
